Lots of couples in marriage have lost the sparks in their sexual intimacy and they now take their part to emotional disconnection as it has affected other aspect of their marital life.Sex in marriage is like a spider’s web,it’s not standing in isolation.The truth is ,it’s interconnected ,intertwined and interwoven with other aspects of the relationship which may lead to total collapse of the marriage or its survival depending on how it is handled.
No marriage can be truly healthy if their bedroom life is dry.Though,they may pretends that all is well but little issue will often spark a big fire that may be difficult to quench.
SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE LOST SEXUAL INTIMACY IN YOUR MARRIAGE
A.Your spouse is not sexually attracted to you anymore
B.You have lost passion for sex
C.You rarely initiates sex.
D.You can stay for weeks/months without initiating sex in that marriage.
E.You keep turning down the sexual advances of your spouse
F.Your response to sex has become casual,no passion!
G.You have timetable for sex in your marriage
H.No spontaneity in your sexual life
I.You hoard your body from your spouse
J.When you are insensitive to your spouse’s sexual needs
K.You view sexual satisfaction from your point of views alone
L.You have become sexual denial specialist through excuses of tiredness.
M.When you feel emotionally detached from your spouse
NOTE:Sex is marriage’s super magnet and lubrication .Without which marriage will be dry,difficult and heads towards drifting.
WHAT TO DO TO RE-IGNITE SEXUAL INTIMACY
1.Make efforts to maintain emotional connection :This requires efforts from both couples because the natural tendency of fire of love is to go down if no wood is added to it.
2.Deal with hurts:When the heart is wounded,there will be resentment and sex will be suspended .Deal with hurts and offenses in your heart.Talk with with your spouse over issues bothering you and stop sweeping it under the carpet.Where you can’t handle it ,see your spiritual mentors or a counsellor.
Quite a number of couples are hurting in marriage without the knowledge of their spouse.This is killing! Speak out,give a listening ear to your spouse and don’t be defensive. Offences will switch off your romance buttons if nothing is done quickly. Settle your differences and manage your conflicts positively.
3.Avoid doing things that irritates your spouse:Do a personal and thorough check on yourself to find out those things your spouse is complaining about you.Those are the things that pushes her away from you,kills affection and brings hostility into your union.
Some of them may be: dirtiness, lack of good dress sense,wearing torn or old pants/boxers, verbal abuse,drunkenness, selfishness, malice,nagging, insurbodination, lack of respect,criticism and blame game.
Talk about your sexual likes and dislikes.Do not feel shy to communicates this to your spouse if you must take your marriage out of sexual rut.
4.Reconfigure Your Brain:In marriage, the pressure of day-to-day living can preoccupied our brains as couples to the extent of not having any space for sexual intimacy.You need to reconfigure your brain to desire sexual connection and make up your mind to satisfy your spouse sexually regardless of your busyness. Sex is not just for baby making, it is for pleasure,emotional reconnection, intimacy and covenant renewal.Mind preparation is the greatest preparation for sexual intimacy in marriage. If the mind is shutdown, the body will not respond.
5.Spend time together :Spending quality time together as couples aid the release of the happy hormone (dopamine) .Real sex starts outside the bedroom by engaging in activities that promotes closeness and emotional attachment. such as holding of hands,hugging,kissing, playing together, cuddling, talking as friends and not as foes.Physical intimacy often leads to emotional connection that makes sexual intimacy easy.Make your marriage your number one priority.
6.Financial Investment :I know that many may be shocked with this point.The truth is ,money is a powerful tool in marriage. Where your money is your heart will be there.Don’t just withdr@aw from your spouse,invest money into your spouse. Change or add to her wardrobe, buy phone,bag,shoes,clothes for him/her.Invest in his/her business career and academic pursuits.
Create interest in whatever will add value and make your spouse happy.Inesting into your spouse will make him/her feel loved and such feelings triggers sexual response and involvement.
7.Work on mismatched libido:This happened in many marriages.Strive to work on this differences,don’t be rigid but be willing to adjust to a more satisfying sexual frequency and find solution to sexual rigidity. Avoid criticising the below par performance of your spouse .Instead,appreciate him/her
8.Seek Help:hatred of Sex in marriage is not normal,several factors can be responsible for this.If you’re battling with premature ejaculation, don’t feel shy or depressed. Seek help now from a counsellor lest it tear your marriage down because unhealthy sexual life will breed unhealthy marriage.
9.Spice it up:Spice up your sex life by hav ing sex in different locations in your house- on the floor, on the table,dining chair,sofa,bathroom,visitor’s room,among others.Every new location will bring new feeling and sense of sexual satisfaction .Avoid monotonous sexual approach,be creative.
10.Romantic bedroom :Make your bedroom neat and tidy with romantic bedsheets and love scented fragrance .Neat bedroom with good aroma enhances sexual feelings.
11.Romantic Getaway:Go on a weekend’s romantic get away without your children or any official assignment to a hotel or resort centre.Bathe together,relax together and enjoy quality sex without pressure or interference. This will re-IGNITE your passion and set your marriage on another phase of honeymoon.
