BALANCING YOUR RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO WOMEN
-Oba Samuel.
Two women? Yes! Two women.
Every married man has two women in their lives.These two often crave for the attention of the man which often leads to loggerheads between both of them.
Such rivalry has turned many sweet marriage into a sour grape, torn many couples apart because oftentimes, men lack the knowledge of balancing this relationship. That’s why this teaching is focusing single brothers .Before a single brother can get married, he must have stayed with his mother for over 21years which would have form a bond between them before he get married to his heartthrob.
Most times ,the man find himself at dilemma about what to do as two women he loves are at loggerheads.
It is better to know how to relate between the two before you tie the nuptial knot.
1.SEEK KNOWLEDGE :”wisdom is profitable to direct” Never assumed there cannot be a running battle between your wife and mother, seek knowledge on how to make your mother love your fiancee and vice versa before you wed by reading marriage books, go for premarital counselling and attend marriage seminars like Singles&Married Connect regularly. Make it your goal to make your wife and mother best of friends, else you will not have peace in that home.
2.Make up your mind not to be Mummy’s Pet:Whenever Mummy’s boy get married, he is not the real husband but the assistant husband while his mother is the real “husband “,the commander-in-Chief of her son’s matrimony.
Of course, such home will be in disarray .Now that you are yet to be married, you have to make up your mind to disconnect yourself from your mothers apron lest it resort into battle between her and your wife tomorrow.
Real men are not Mummy’s Pet, neither are they Daddy’s boy.Be a real man!
3.Limit Your Visits :Now that you are about getting married, it is advisable that you stop visiting your parents regularly.
Regular visits will further improve their influence over you and this may become abnormal when you get married. Create a little gap,reduce your visiting days.Your going to her whenever you experience headaches or feverish conditions is a sign that you are not preparing to be mature.Take care of yourself in order to take care of YOUR wife and children tomorrow.
Learn to be independent.
4.Stop Involving Her In Your Decision Making :Allowing her take all your decision for you to the extent that you don’t have the mind of your own;. It is a pointer to future problems. If you need counsel, see your mentor, counsellor or Pastor. This is to avoid her dictating what to do for you in marriage. It is better to stop this now as a single than when you’re married.If you try doing this in marriage, your wife will be labelled as one turning your mind against your mother.
Before you say “yes I do”,develop the mind of your own.
5.Let Her Know Her Boundary: The excesses of some mothers-in-law is due to lack of set boundaries by their sons.
To balance the relationship between your mother and wife tomorrow, set a boundary for your mother in your life today and let her know it.Don’t be too weak that every Tom,Dick and Harry will be tossing about.
Even in choice making ,let her know that only God has the final say in determining whom you will marry and not the home town or the state she originated from.
If you fail to set the boundary now, you are preparing for a battlefield marriage .
*6.Never speak negative things about your wife to your mother :*
One of the worst mistakes you can make is to speak negative things about your wife to your mother or speak ills about your mother to your wife.
This is a lifetime poison in the hearts of both women as women find it difficult to forgive anyone that fight their children and husband.
No matter, what your wife may do ,never report her to your mother.
6.GET YOUR SEPARATE APARTMENT: Mature men don’t get married in a family house, only boys do so.Real men get their separate accommodation far from their parents’ house.
If you don’t want your mother and your wife to live like cart and dog, never get married in the same compound with your parents.Even if your mother and wife were saints, familiarity do bring contempt. Your mother has the right to rule your marriage if you married into your parent’s house because he that pays the piper dictates the tune.
Living far from your parents will earn your mother honour before your wife and foster peace in their relationship.
6.POSITION YOUR MIND:You need to position your mind to maintain cordial relationship of mother and daughter between them.
Do everything humanly and spiritually possible to make them friends before you tie the nuptial knot.And as soon as you get married, your wife becomes the number one in your life and not your mother.The same thing goes to the wife too-your husband also become your number one in your life and not your mother.
7.NEVER BE A TRADITIONAL MAN: Being a traditional man will make you obey all marriage traditions and relegate Biblical injunctions about family life.
Tradition and culture will make you treat your wife like a slave and family property. Why will you continue this negative trends that brought maltreatment and humiliation to your mother? Dare to be different!
As a Christian, shun traditional way of running a home that have ruined many marriages and embrace scriptural principles that will give you a happy and solid home.
8.GET KNOWLEDGE: Seek for wisdom and stop wishing for a peaceful coexistence between your mother and wife when you get married. Be hungry for wisdom and pursue it.The love and peace I am enjoying between my wife and mother was as a result of wisdom and knowledge acquired before wedding.Lies on the pages of Christian marriage books, singles & marriage programs, audio and video messages on marriages and relationships that can equip you with needed wisdom.
9.PRAY FOR WISDOM: Ask God for wisdom to balance the relationship between your wife and mother. You need divine wisdom.
It is your duty as a man to make your wife enjoy peace of mind in your matrimonial home by ensuring that her relationship with your mother is cordial. If you make them best of friends, you will enjoy peace in your marriage.
Your Family Coach.
Oba Samuel
