-Oba Samuel
”‘Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out”Proverbs 26:20
Love is a captivating force that bind two different people together in relationship which metamorphosed into matrimony. This captivating love is so strong that it can break all barriers and oppositions
It brings joyful feelings and emotional connection between couples but when love is lost ,things turn sour and there will be a lot of confrontations, aggression, distance, cold war, malice, thought of divorce, depression, disconnection, loss of intimacy and sexless marriage.
To save our marriage from this ugly situation, we need to identify the causes of lost love in marriage, which give birth to statements like:”I don’t want to divorce but I don’t have feelings for you again”.”I don’t know why ? but I don’t just feel happy seeing you around me”
1.Familiarity :Getting too familiar with your spouse as a results of living together in thesame house on a daily basis can kill the excitement phase in marriage. So, you are no more excited to see him/ her again, you have lost the interest to be at your best before your spouse so as to make him/her happy and you have also lost that touch of treating him/her specially because you now live together under thesame roof. All these will kill love without struggle in Marriage. Remember ;familiarity breeds contempt.
2.You stopped living in thesame world:One of the factors that make love glow early in marriage is that couples live in thesame world of shared interests.They watch thesame soap opera,eat at thesame time in thesame plates, sleep together, find fun in talking tgether, shopping together, attending social functions and Church together but once couples lose interest in what interest their partners, they start to live in separate worlds which will destroy their affection towards each other and thereby murder love unconsciously.
3.Replacing Compliments with complaints :When you have stopped appreciating your spouse with positive remarks but you are now full of complaints, you can’t overlooked his/her faults and never see anything good in anything done by your spouse. Stop being the chief complainant in that marriage. Too much complaints is irritating. This will automatically creates emotional distance.
4.Self-centeredness :In the early part of your marriage, you are so concerned about the needs, welfare and wellbeing of your spouse but as time goes on ,you shift into self care mode, caring for yourself only without concern for your spouse .You only focus your personal needs- clothes, shoes, phones, cars, food and finances with no thought or concern for your spouse. Self-centeredness often breeds emotional divorce and sadness in marriage. Lead a spouse-centred life .
5.Verbal,Emotional & Physical abuse:The use of demeaning statements, provocative, cutting-remarks ,abusive words, intimidation, sarcastic words, right deprivation and wife battery are all killer punches to love in marriage any day. Speak to build in marriage and never speak to kill.
6.Absence of open and secret demonstrations of affection:When spouses demonstrate love to one another by buying gifts, holding hands while walking, constant hugging, domestic assistance, date nights and sending love messages to each other fertilized love without stress while absence of such will make love to starve to death. When was the last time you bought gifts for your spouse?
7.Distance:Living far away from your husband/wife in another city or country is against the rule of a healthy marriage. Physical distance will lead to emotional distance which may eventually create a void that can only be filled by someone closer to him/her.No reason is good enough to live far from your matrimonial home. Arise and close the gap now before it’s too late.
8.Neglect:Love is like a baby, it needs focus and attention to thrive.Once its neglected ,it ceases to blossom.Don’t just focus on your job, ministry, business and neglect your spouse.You need the support of your spouse to excel in every aspect of your life.Show care and affection to your spouse.
9.Lack of sexual satisfaction :Sexual denial, deprivation and lack of sexual satisfaction creates room for lost of love among couples in marriage. Good and quality sex in marriage increases bonding, affection and intimacy. So, if love must blossom, couples must satisfy one another sexually and make their bedroom life solid. The Collapse of bedroom can lead to collapse of the entire marriage. Get your bedroom issues sorted out by reading my book:ENJOYING THE BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE or book a counselling session.
Your Family Coach,
Oba Samuel
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