-Oba Samuel
“Take us the foxes, The little foxes, that spoil the vines: For our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: He feedeth among the lilies. Until the day break, And the shadows flee away, Turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart Upon the mountains of Bether” Song of Solomon 2:15-17 KJV.
Successful marriage is like a spider’s web, it is connected to so many factors before it can achieve its healthy state.
One major cause of marital dissatisfaction which stirs silent but tough battles in many homes is sexual dissatisfaction among couples.
Sexual dissatisfaction is like a time bomb, no matter how you try to ignore it or pretend, it will explode and cause serious damage to the marriage.
1. Non-value mindset: When you are in a marriage with someone who feels sex is not an important factor in marriage. He/she does not see it as a priority and sees sexual advances from the Spouse as a sort of disturbance. Instead, focuses more on career, job,
business, finance, children and church commitments while sex is pushed to the back burner which comes up on an occasional basis.
Spouses like this make their partner go through a lot of emotional and psychological torture as a result of Sexual deprivation and this has led to marital dissatisfaction.
Note: No good performance in other areas of marital life is truly for the healthy state of your marriage if it does not extend to your sex life.
#One-sided frequency determinants: Bitterness may set in when only a person determines the number of times to have sex in a marriage. Especially, if the partner who determines the Sexual frequency believes that sex should take place once a month or only for procreation purposes and nothing more. For family health and marital fulfilment, couples should have sex at least twice a week and it can be more depending on the couples involved. But avoid fixing a timetable in order not to give room to rigidity because this can lead to a sexless marriage which may make your spouse fall into extramarital affairs.
Give room to spontaneous sex in your marriage.
# Speed of Light: Several wives are battling with marital dissatisfaction due to sexual dissatisfaction. The speed of light means that a man’s ejaculation takes place within one minute during sexual intercourse thereby leaving the wife dejected because she has not climax. This yearning for better sexual performance can lead to unhappiness, resentment, depression or vulnerability to sexual temptations if not addressed quickly
#Porn Addiction: Pornography is a satanic invention aimed at destroying souls and the sanctity of marriage. He who is hooked on porn cannot derive satisfaction from his/her spouse.
There’re no justifiable reasons for being addicted to porn. Fight for your soul and marriage by seeking for help now.
#Sexual hatred: Both the one who hates sex and the one who married him/her are facing dissatisfaction in marriage. Some wives hate sex as a result of negative experiences during their first sexual intercourse, past sexual molestation or rape that needs emotional and psychological healing. Please, open up for your healing process to commence soonest.
#Hatred of sex with spouse: When sex becomes boring as a result of its predictability; lack of creativity; hygiene issues; menopausal issues or unresolved issues.
To enjoy sex, ask for what your spouse wants, and freely talk about your ‘turn on and off’. Make use of water-based lubrication to handle virginal dryness and look out for signs of premenopausal and menopausal symptoms to know the cause and solutions. It is often difficult for couples to rediscover their sexual excitement without sexual communication.
#Infidelity: Nothing brings emotional disconnection, sadness and marital regrets like when one’s spouse cheats. Infidelity can easily cause the mind to shut down against one’s spouse regardless of the reason for it.
Is it living in a separate location from your spouse, closeness with your Ex, sexual deprivation or any other issues that may make you cheat on your spouse? This should be addressed now before it is too late. Please. confide in your Pastor or counsellor for God to deliver you.
# Bedtime differences: Going to bed at different times has destroyed many couples’ sexual life than imagined. Lack of friendly conversation before bedtime. So many wives have complained to me during counselling sessions that their husbands often disturb their sleep by asking for sex when they are fast asleep because they come late to bed after watching TV, and are busy with social media stuff.
Spending time together with your spouse before sleeping off to talk, play and cuddle helps to induce intimacy before sex.
#Seeing it as doing a favour to your spouse: Married to a husband /wife who sees releasing his/her body for sex as doing the spouse a favour will lead to deep dissatisfaction. This is validated by using sex as a reward system, barter or punishment depending on how she feels or the issues at hand. Sexual denial means that you’re allowing the devil to use you to destroy the foundation of your marriage,
Note that, in marriage, you’re not doing your spouse a favour by giving in to your spouse’s sexual advances, it’s your conjugal duty.
#Conflict before bedtime: Be wise enough to settle all your misunderstandings and conflicts before you retire to bed at night. Unresolved issues will make you go to bed angry, destroying affection and bringing emotional and bodily distancing.
Beware, rapture may take place any moment, be heavenly conscious enough to settle before bedtime.
#Indifference: Being indifferent to the sexual needs or complaints of your spouse can cause bitterness, frustration and depression to a faithful spouse. Having a challenge with premature ejaculation, weak erection or low sperm count is not a problem but not taking decisive steps towards seeking a solution is the real problem.
Several years ago, I counselled a wife who was not sexually satisfied because her husband did not last more than one minute during sex and he refused to see a counsellor or doctor for help.
You don’t have to be proud or shy to ask for help to make your spouse happy and experience marital satisfaction.
Marriage can not thrive if the bedroom is in shambles. Treat your sexual challenges with urgency, and seek counsel. My book -Enjoying The Benefits Of Marriage addresses all sexual-related issues in marriage. Get it here https://selar.co/EnjoyingTheBenefitsOfMarriage Your Family & Relationship Coach,
Pst Oba Samuel
