LITTLE THINGS THAT CAUSES MAJOR PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE
– Oba Samuel
There’s a popular saying ” A little spark can set the whole family on fire if not detected and quench early* .
These little things have grave consequences on marriage .
They are the vehicles that leads to divorce in most marriages.
1.Unilateral Decision: Marriage gets weakened when it become a one-man show .
Absence of joint decisions will create ill-feelings and make the neglected spouse feel undervalued or not valued at all.
Taking decisions, especially major ones without the input of your spouse is a sign that you have a solo mindset and that the views of your spouse is not relevant .
Note that, every decision you take in marriage will affect your spouse positively or negatively .
The bitterness of being left out can push your spouse to take a negative action that may shake the foundation of your marriage.
Two are better than one, always ask for opinions of your spouse before taking major decisions .
2.Envy:The presence of envy in a spouse is what make him/her react negatively openly or silently at the achievements of his/her spouse .
This will create resentment ,emotional disconnection and unhealthy rivalry between husband and wife .
To build an healthy marriage, oneness is a must.
This will make you see one’s success as success for all and not individualistic achievement. Be a team!
3. Bedtime disorder: I have counselled many couples whose sex life and marriages was heading for a ditch as a result of bedtime discrepancies .
Most times, wives complained that husbands often disturb their sleep in a bid to have sex with them because they would have been deeply asleep before their husbands joined them in the bedroom.
This is true because, most men stay late in the sitting room; reading, praying, on the system doing official work or watching films.
Women prefer joint bedtime.
To women, bedtime intimacy starts with bedtime talk after dinner.
If you want to enjoy great sex in marriage, bathe together and retire to bed at the same time.
4. Work Shifts: No marriage can run on zero budget and empty bank accounts.
So, job is highly needed to run a home successfully but care must be taken not to allow your jobs to rival your marriage. .
Any job that hinder your time together as husband and wife is doing more harm than good in your marital life. .
Wives, beware of any shift job that takes you away from your husband every night or weekends.
5. Bad Eating habits: Couples need to do many things together in order to build intimacy in marriage* .
One of the things to do together is eating together but many husbands and wives does not eat together due to bad eating habit of either of the couple.
Partner with the habit of chewing food noisily or allowing food drop from the mouth while eating can be irritating to the spouse.
Correcting such fellow may cause conflict among them and the spouse who is trying to correct the bad habit may get angry too and thereby causing emotional and physical disconnection between them .
Many husbands and wives has stopped eating together due to this.
6.Wrong use of social media :Social media interactions is aimed at bringing the whole world together regardless of the distance, culture or race, that is why it is referred to as a global village .
Time spent on social media platforms can turn to big issues in marriage as it has been confirmed to be the No.1 destroyer of marriage ..
Has your spouse been complaining about your addiction to chatting on Whatsapp,Facebook,Instagram etc?*
If you have been so engrossed in it that you can’t give your spouse undivided attention while speaking with you.
.
This is very bad, but then something is fundamentally wrong.
A lot must have happened in that marriage that could have made him/her find solace in social media platforms .
You need to be humble enough to have deep conversation with your spouse or see a counsellor to get things resolved before things grow worse .
*Don’t let social media destroys marriage media.
Note: Never try using force to stop the negative addiction of your spouse to social media else it will backfire.
Dialogue is key..
7. Dividing the house: Real marriage is a process of knitting two different people into one. So, no longer two but one..
But as soon as couples deviate from this oneness into individualism state of having separate purse, personal goals, personal properties without having interest in anything that concerns the spouse ,division has taken over from oneness..
When each party faces his/her challenges alone and takes the success alone .
Such marriage is psychologically divorced and on its way to physical divorce.
For marriage to succeed, shared interests are needful, “yours” mine” must give room to “we” and “ours”
8. Living In Isolation :Couples were not designed to live in separate towns, cities or countries .
Many greener pastures and good jobs has thrown lots of marriages into poisonous pastures.
Any job that made you return to your matrimonial home only on weekend basis or take you away from your spouse and children for months or years may open the back door of your marriage for infidelity, adultery or divorce.
Go and rearrange yourself and include family integration into any job or career you are doing .
9. Acting based on feelings : Marriage is fragile, so one action based on feelings can shipwreck it .
Whenever there’s any issue between you and your spouse, don’t allow your emotion push you to act.
Take time to think it over and over before you act
. Feelings can be wrong, don’t be moved by it lest you regret at last .
10.Putting your marriage on Pause: Putting your marriage on pause as a result of your new position at work or arrival of a new born baby by neglecting your spouse to cater for himself will bring disconnection between you and turn you to flatmates instead of being soulmates .Even after, you must have resigned from the work or your children grown up, you would’ve lose the intimacy and emotional attachment .
Learn to have an all-round system of carrying every aspect of your life along without failing in any.
Be that exceptional wife/husband who can give it all it takes to build a super marriage which will be a blessing to your spouse, a nest to children and a model to the society.
Your Family Coach,
Oba Samuel
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