HANDLING PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SPOUSE
-Oba Samuel
“Ephesians 4:26 KJV
“26] Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath”
Who is a passive-aggressive spouse? Passive-aggressive spouse is someone whose aggressive behaviour is indirect or passively demonstrated towards spouse instead of openly addressing them.
The bone of contention is if you don’t express your dissatisfaction openly,your spouse may not know what the problem is and the reason behind your change of behaviour.
SIGNS THAT YOU’RE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
Not changing your passive-aggressive habit will hurt your marriage and disconnect you from your spouse emotionally.
These signs will help you to detect if you’re passive-aggressive or not:
1. Bottle-up emotions :If you’re fond of bottling-up your anger, hurts and every form of negative emotions towards your spouse.
2.You avoid being confrontational :You’ve never been direct or confrontational towards addressing any issue you’re not pleased with but you prefer to be silent and express your displeasure indirectly in a way that may be difficult for your spouse to connect the dots.
3. Silence as a weapon: You become unusually silent or avoiding deep conversation with your spouse instead of expressing disagreements or fighting back, you keep malice or only have surface conversations with your spouse.
4.Build Walls: If your spouse did something that you detest, instead of expressing it openly,you prefer to build walls through resentment ,break companionship in order to punish or gain control until your spouse will beg you and change.
5.Sarcastic Statements: When you make comments, your statements is usually sarcastic instead of compliment. During issues of major concern, your spouse would have to check the tone or body language to detect the real meaning of your statement.
6.Pretence agreement :Whenever your spouse bring up an issue, opinions or idea,you pretend to agree but you’re not in agreement internally. It’s a common attitude of passive-aggressive to adopt indirect styles of expressing frustration, displeasure or anger instead of addressing the issue at stake directly.
7.Consistent passive-aggressive statements: When he/she keep insisting that “I’m not angry” “I’m fine”when the body language is showing that he/she is angry.
8.When your spouse is stubborn and difficult to influence.
9.Deliberate procrastination in order to get things done lately. This is a pointer to the fact that he is not in support.
Note: admitting that you’re passive-aggressive is the beginning of solutions to it.
FACTORS THAT CAUSES IT
#When raised by authoritative or dictatorial parents or Guardian who does not allow a child to express anger or displeasure
#Raised in a family where passive-aggressive behaviours is their way of life
#Stress and #depression can also triggers it
SOLUTIONS TO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
Passive-aggressive spouse can make marriage frustrating because his actions will cause emotional disconnection,conflict,dead intimacy and difficult sexual life .
#Do not Ignore passive-aggressive :This is one mistake you must never make because it will send wrong signal to the passive-aggressive partner that you’re very pleased with that behaviour.
#Clear and assertive communication : In a privacy with good mood,you can make your mind known to your spouse,e.g “It’s like what I said about your job has made you angry” that his/her passive behaviour is draining you emotionally and can damage your relationship if he doesn’t change that attitude.
#Ask and Listen:Since passive-aggressive have problem expressing anger and displeasure, you can help them by asking with rapt attention ,”how are you feeĺing?”: Create a conducive environment for him to speak his mind.
#Do not react when you’re upset or tempted to be defensive.Avoid this totally because it will further triggers the aggressive behaviours in him/her.
#Talk deep so as to unravel the cause of passive-agree behaviour of your spouse .This will help you to know what to do and not to react angrily to it
#Avoid negative reactions :Do not give-in to temptations to react negatively because this will make the conflict go overboard. Be calm and express your displeasure maturely.Do not criticize, judge on condemn him/her but state the issue and don’t attack his person
#Couples counselling is highly recommended if it’s becoming violent or abusive.The earlier you seek for help the better because living in denial or ignoring it may give you feign peace in the short-term but it may lead to corrosive violence in the long-run.
obasamuel009@gmai.com
