GETTING YOUR MARRIAGE OUT OF UNPLEASANT SEASON
– By Oba Samuel
‘weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning ”Psalm 30:5
Pleasant experience in courtship is what led many to get wedded and pleasant experiences during honeymoon makes many couples feel loved and fulfilled. This is what creates higher expectation of pleasantness in their marital journey.
Meanwhile, 5,10 or 15 years down the line; they found themselves in mucky waters of unpleasant season where love is almost dead, friendship is long gone and some would have checkout of their marriage but for the position in Church and children.
What can couples do during this season to get their marriage out of unpleasant season?
1,It Can Happen: This phase can be worrisome because it is not what you bargained for when you are signing the dotted line.
Be informed that this is not peculiar to your marriage alone. So many couples also passed through this season and they have put their marriage back on track. You can get your marriage out of unpleasant period if you make up your mind to do so.
2.Ignore negative voices: Whenever things is rough between husband and wife, diverse voices always speak to them which can either be from family and friends or inner voice giving you negative suggestions on steps to take against your spouse.
This negative voices can be so compelling that it was responsible for negative actions like acid bath, suicide, bedroom lockdown, food rejection, physical abuse, malice, adultery, financial lockdown, sexual deprivation, divorce, among others.
For healing to take place in your marriage, move away from people counseling you against your spouse and rebuke negative inner voices sharply in the name of Jesus lest you do their bidding .
3. Look for what went wrong and not who is wrong: Looking for who is wrong is mostly common whenever couples get to the level of marital dissatisfaction, spousal hatred, regrets of marrying each other, emotional and physical distancing .This is like a speedy undertaker that will bury your marriage faster than you imagined.
To get your marriage out of unpleasant season, stop looking for who is wrong. Rather, look for what went wrong. Looking for who is wrong will bring you into blame game which will enroll your marital challenges into journey in circles.
If you can identify what led to coldness, irresponsibility, masturbation, pornography, infidelity, sexual denial, wife battery and all forms of abuse and negative actions in your marriage, then the problem is half solved and you are on the right track towards restoring affection and fondness.
4.Get to Improvement :To rediscover friendship and joy in your marriage, you must be willing to improve. If both parties take it upon themselves to improve in the way they relate with each other in communication, quality time, attention,spousal priority,sex,giving gifts,kindness,care,integrity,financial opennes and responsibility, the marriage will bounce back without stress.
But the major reason for prolonged unpleasantness in many marriages is rigidity and thick skin against improvement.
After identifying the root cause of your marital challenges, the best thing to do next is to embark on corrective measures.
Correct what your spouse has been complaining about in your character and don’t be averse to improvement. Strive to be a better spouse daily.
5.Don’t go on sabbatical :Many marriage moved from honeymoon to scorching Sun, from sweet water to ‘marah’ because one or both parties go on sabbatical in the aspect of commitment.
No marriage can survive based on passion and love without commitments.
Love will get weaker and passion will lead to irritations without commitment because commitment is what fuels love and passion in marriage.
Don’t just get committed to your careers, jobs, businesses, ministry or children without being committed to your spouse.
Take your spouse as priority daily .
Get committed to demonstrate care, affection ,say I love you ,take her out, get gift for him/her, do house chores together, pray, encourage and support each other.
#Reawaken your commitment to each other if love must wake up in your marriage.
6. Flashback : So many couples have forgotten how they started and what they set out to achieve at the beginning of their union.
Flashback to how your relationship started, what attracted you to each other and the kind of home you planned to build.
What were you doing then that made your time together interesting and your love tick ?
Keep on doing them and improve on such.
7.Date again :Dating again and again as a couple will make you to fall in love again and again.
Don’t let busyness bury your marriage. Spend quality time with your spouse.
Quality time nurtures love and refire romance. Create time to go on a regular date with your spouse alone excluding the children.
Hangout as a lover-boy and lover-girl in a eatery or resort centres.
The ambiance of eatery and resort centres fuels romance.
Try it this next weekend and experience new honeymoon in your marriage. You don’t have to break your bank account to go on a date with your spouse, spend according to your financial capacity.
8.Don’t Checkout :After several months/years of enduring marriage, one or both spouses can get tired of the marriage and decide to call it quit.
This checkout can be emotional or physical.
Divorce is not the solution you need. If you walk out of your matrimonial home; devil wins. If you stay to fight for the soul of your marriage, you will be victorious and laugh last.
That marriage can work if you are willing to push further, give God a chance.
9.Be Humble: Taking your marriage out of unpleasant season into a pleasant season full of fondness ,love,joy,affection,fidelity,attention,intimacy,care and romance streak requires being humble enough to admit that your marriage is sick and needs counsel.
It takes humility to seek for solutions to marital challenges and to obey godly counsel .Seeing a counsellor may not help your marriage unless you are humble enough to obey and follow counsellor’s instructions.
Put an end to that negative cycle in your marriage by being humble enough to seek godly counsel with your spouse.
Oba Samuel is a Family & Relationship Coach, author, conference speaker& counselor.
+234-9068994983
1 comment
The message really help