-Oba Samuel
*But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment* . *For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. “Matthew 12:36-37*
*No forms of abuse is good in marriage and the society has constantly condemned physical and sexual abuse but little has been said about verbal abuse* .
*Unknown to many,words can cause serious damage to marriage than imagined.Its hurts,pierce like a razor,injures the bowels ,traumatized ,dehumanize and can cause emotional wreckage* .
*Verbal abuse is a misuse of the tongue by using hurts, piercing, degrading, torturing and demeaning statements towards one’s spouse through the vehicles of yelling and shouting* .
*Many couples did not engage in physical abuse and violence but the emotional torture going on at every slightest provocation is yielding daily weeping,regrets, depression, suicidal thoughts and divorce* .
*Verbal abuse is so subtle and manipulative that the person may not even see It as a problem* .
*SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE IN MARRIAGE* *1.Constant yelling at your spouse*
*2.If your words always send your spouse to a silent mode*
*3.If after every time you speaks,your spouse end up moody and weeping* .
*4.Your conversation often sounds like an attack*
*5.If you are not concerned by the mood or feelings of your spouse*
*6.If you curse or insult your spouse constantly*
*7.If for every mistake of your spouse,you use hurtful,demeaning words ,name-calling ,cutting-remarks and criticism against your spouse* .
*8.Your statements often destroy the self-esteem of your spouse or mental health*
*9.It involves constant complaints that destroys the feelings and disregard the opinion of your spouse*
*10.When you humiliate your spouse in the public or before the children*
*11.It involves threats and intimidations*
*12.It involves consistent emotional outbursts and bullying behaviours* .
*13.Condemnation and dissatisfaction on everything you do*
*14.Lack of trust no matter how open you are*
*15.When you create tension soaked environment with unnecessary arguments that makes your spouse walk on eggshells*
*16.Treating you as inferior or a second-class citizen* .
*13.Whatchout for this negative effects on your health:heart palpitations, stomach* *ulcer,depression ,loss of appetite for food and insomnia* .
*14.Hatred of spousal company, irritation,resentment, eager for separation, divorce thoughts,loss of affection and sexual urge* .
*NOTE:The consequence of verbal abuse is as severe as physical abuse and even more atimes* .
*TO OVERCOME VERBAL ABUSE*
*1.Picture your image in the scriptures :Don’t let what the abuser says settle down on you*
**Rather,check your real image in the Bible* *Stop worrying yourself about the bulk of hurtful statement from your spouse** .
*Take the abusive to God in prayers because only the manufacturer can change a spare part*
*2.To detect if you are an abuser or not,ask your spouse sincerely with humility and desire to change* .
*3.Take charge of your life:Do something to make yourself happy, listen to gospel music/messages,get adequate rest and eat healthy meals* .
*4.Know that you are not a doctor:You will do yourself a favour by realising that you are no a doctor that will cure the abusive nature of your spouse* .
*You don’t have control over the behaviour of your spouse,you can only change yourself* .
*This fact will help you not to engage in an act that will further worsens the state of your heart when he rejects all your moves* .
*5.Don’t join the club:Verbal abuse is a crazy cycle,do not let your abusive spouse push you into it* .
*If you must stop it,you must not engage the abusive person in a war of words* .
*Be cool and calm whenever he/she is angry,silence is a weapon,it disarm*
*6.Seek for help:If you are in an abusive marriage,don’t keep silent ,seek for help from hospital,Psychologist, counsellor or a Pastor who can help both of you* .
*Both of you must submit yourselves for counselling* .
*Note that; too much of silence can lead to depression,divorce, murderous thought and suicide* .
*Avoid divorce,it will only give you temporary peace and create life-time pain & regrets* .
*Don’t commit suicide, that does not solve the problem* .
**ASSIGNMENT :Ask your spouse with all humility if your are physically abusive or not?* *Please,share to all your contact** .Your Family Coach,Pst *Oba Samuel* Like our Facebook page Singles&Married Connect https://www.facebook.com/Singles-Married-Connect-115795236453594/Join us on Telegram : https://t.me/joinchat/NDU-9w9G3Kl279C23hM_OWhatsApp: +234-9068994983
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