-By Oba Samuel
The church is the biggest platform for reaching the heart of the people. She is more effective than social media, print media, electronic media or Presidential national address. There’s no doubt to the fact that the power of the pulpit is instrumental to people’s beliefs and actions. That is why I want the church to take a visible stand in tackling the menace of domestic violence which has claimed the lives of many precious souls.
Conflict and misunderstanding are part of the building blocks of a healthy marriage but domestic violence is not one of the components of true love neither is it a tool for a blissful marriage. The truth is, government agencies like; The public defender, Mediation, court, Police, military and paramilitary agencies can’t stop this monster called domestic violence. That is why the Church of Jesus Christ must rise because The Church is the last hope of the World.
Arise O Church and keep no silent until domestic violence is driven back to the pit of hell and marriages become abodes of peace, harmony and joy.
The Church should respond to domestic violence through the following:
1.Pastors should be more concerned about the marriage health of the ministers, as well as their members (Rom. 2:21). Regular family retreats and marriage clinics should be organised within the church, campground or resort centres. This is to tackle existing or budding issues among the families before it escalates. For better results, a guest minister who is an expert in marriage and family issues should be invited to handle the situation.
All senior pastors who oversee other pastors in different parishes should organize a minister’s marriage retreat at least twice in a year or quarterly for their pastors and their spouses and such a meeting should be mandatory for all pastors and their spouses. As a marriage counsellor and family consultant,I have discovered that pastors are men and women of God but the humanity in some of them gives room for marital issues in their marriage too just like any other members of the society.
However, the majority will keep pretending until it is overblown to congregants and public notice. A pastor who is having marital turbulence may find it difficult to preach about healthy marriage or speak against domestic violence. Pastors need to be equipped more on marriage and family matters. If pastors’ homes can be a model, transferring such to their members will be easy. But when a pastor’s marriage bleeds, members’ marriage will be in the hands of marriage undertakers. Many pastors need help in their marriage and whatever happens in their marriage will affect the members’ marriages too. Remember, anointing flows from the head.
2.The Church should establish a centre for marriage settlement. This department can be under the family affairs but it is different from the marriage committee. They should be made up of spirit-filled experts in marriage, family issues, psychologists, doctors, nurses, drugs and substance abuse, lawyers, police, and military personnel. They are to report to the senior pastor directly. This team will be saddled with the responsibility to handle cases related to domestic violence, drug abuse, alcohol, will & property issues among members.
They are to work with the abuser and the abused on how to be free from violence, substance abuse addict and victim. Office should be made available with at least two staff who will be in the office daily to attend to members in need of their assistance and work closely with volunteers in the categories listed above. The effectiveness of this department will help to prevent death resulting from domestic violence .
3.Sensitize their members to speak out and seek help from the pastor, marriage counsellor, marriage committee, and centre for family settlement, if they are in abusive relationship and never to cover up, let them know that the effect of such cover up can lead to depression, mental disorder, Health problems, injuries, incapacitation, suicide and murder. There is no shame in reaching out for help in an abusive relationship.
4.In case of domestic violence, don’t force the victim to stay with the abuser in a life threatening situation. Let there be Grace Separation. Grace Separation is not divorce,it is to prevent loss of precious souls. Grace Separation is relocating the abused to a safe place with the children while experts in rehabilitating domestic violence perpetrators and victims, will start counseling, training and therapy for the abused and abusive partner separately for a period of time until their transformation is certified and the abused recover from emotional trauma.
Their coming together should not be rushed but gradual in order to avoid bigger problems. One of the mistakes that the church make is that they counsel and pray for the couple and ask them to go back home together. No! That’s dangerous, it’s more serious than that. An abusive person doesn’t change easily. Let the professional handle it.
5.Every church should have hotlines that operate 24/7, which can be a phone in case of domestic violence and they will respond immediately. These hotlines should be in all church’s websites, social media platforms, notice boards and bulletins. Let them know that help is available whenever and wherever they need it with no cost.
6.Regular teachings against domestic violence should be included in all the marriage seminars for youths and singles in order to program their minds against it before marriage. Also, it should be taught regularly among couple’s fellowship and minister’s conferences. Sensitization is one of the best ways to stop domestic violence.
7.Support System: The Church should act as a support system to victims of domestic violence and their children through: provision of accommodation, feeding,financial empowerment, prayers, counselling, attention, and love.
One major challenge of the abused is lack of alternative accommodation where they can run to for safety in order to avoid the terror of their abusive husband. So many wives stay in abusive marriages because they have nowhere to go. Some stay back because of their children, church or social stigma of a divorcee or belief that the abusive husband will turn a new leaf someday. This erroneous mind-set has made many pay the supreme price of death in marriage. The church should provide a temporary accommodation for the abused to prevent domestic violence death or incapacitation.
Economic power is one of the weapons of the abusers, so feeding and economic empowerment should be given to assist the victims in order to be financially productive.
8.In addition to HIV/AIDS, Genotype, Blood group, and Fertility tests, the church should also add Psychiatric tests as a prerequisite for weddings.
The church should go back to the old ways of being a part of the process of choosing a life partner and not just be a wedding rubber stamp. Each choice making should be scrutinized very well before giving approval for courtship and wedding because the success or failure of marriage begins from choice making.
9.Premarital counselling should be emphasized more as a prerequisite for wedding.
10.Fix it from the root: The Church can tackle domestic violence by updating the Teenagers and Children’s teaching manuals to include teachings on domestic violence and its repercussions. This early orientation will help to shape their hearts for healthy relationships in the future.
My beloved Pastors, Apostles, Evangelists, Reverends, Bishops, General Overseers, General superintendents and all ministers of God, let’s work together to kick domestic violence out of the body of Christ and the society.
Arise O Church and keep no silent until domestic violence is driven back to the pit of hell and marriages become abodes of peace, harmony and joy.
Yours In Marriage & Family Ministry,
Pastor Oba Samuel.
Family Enhancers Int’l
09068994983
1 comment
This is very deep and instructive